Deutsch Lolcats

I'm a dork with too much time on my hands. Look what I made myself for my birthday! More to come.

Tandem Gesucht!

A tandem, for those who find the term as foreign as I did when I first heard it, is basically a language swap. I've been trying to do one for quite some time but every time I find someone who seems to fit the bill, they either move or are too busy or plans just fall through. Anyways, I finally got around to putting up yet another ad on Kijiji (the German equivalent of Craigslist) seeking a tandem this Summer. In the ad, I mentioned that I was 24 and had interests in reading, writing, electronic music, cocktail parties, and so on and that I was looking for someone around the same age with the same interests so that "die sprechen kommt leicht." I already received three responses, all of which are strange and which I intend to share with you because I am a rude person:

Tandem response #1:
Even if you are looking for someone younger, I offer you my help in anyway. I am 60 years, am retired, was teacher of German and Juristerei. Gladly I am willing to teach you to grant a temporary classroom. I do it voluntarily. Common interests, we have both too. This is read, write, close, compose, play and sing. Do you like it so superior. Hope you do a nice young teacher or Studemten find. Regards Günther

Tandem response #2
i am also interested in tandem conversations.i would be nice to have some conversations in english and some in german.i am native german a i think we could help each other.im a 24 year old male sportsmen,love to party at black music,house and eletronic.i live in tempelhof airport.to kreuzberg it takes 10 minutes by car.
i am lokking foreward to see you!

Tandem response #3
Cool,
Then we can advance my englich and your german ;-)
Liebe Grüße

I responded to #3. Not that I don't like hanging out with 60 year old lawyers named Gunther or young German sportsmen who are into black music, but I feel less intimidated by simplicity.

Berlin Expats Online

Because I enjoy the idea of Toytown and not necessarily the wankers who are on it all the time, a year ago I decided to create my own community called Berlin Expats. The community is on Livejournal, so you'll have to create an account if you want to post. You can read the posts without joining.

http://community.livejournal.com/berlinexpats/

And now I leave you with the trusty livejournal mascot, Frank the goat:

Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.

So I started school this week. It is interesting... The VHS (Volkshochschule) is something like a community college where people come to learn everything from knitting to cooking to, in my case, intensive German.
Today we sang a song to the tune of "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes..." which went:
"Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich verstehe nicht was sie sagen
Bitte, sprechen sie mehr langsam
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch."
Half of the class is Italian, and half are Turkish, and a small percentage are various other things (yes, there are three halves to my class). There is only one other American and native English speaker in the class, but all the Italian folk speak English quite well. They also seem to hate me. I think it is because I am borrowing Carlos's camo-print bag until I can afford to buy my own. Perhaps they think I'm some kind of war loving crazy?
That's not all. Yesterday the teacher asked me how many states were in the United States now (because it is plural - DEN USA) "56?" She asked. "More!" I said, making a joke about her overestimate. "No, no," she responded, "Iraq doesn't count."
Another faux pas was made earlier this morning when I suggested to one of the Italian students that they install a good ol' cafe / restaurant in the school, preferably one serving scrambled eggs. The joke was not responded to in kind. He said, "But you are in Europe now and we don't eat those things. If you want scrambled eggs then maybe you should go to London."
The Italian students are somewhat hard to relate to. For one, the Italian breakfast consists of cigarettes and black coffee. I think if I was from New York maybe I'd be able to fit in a little more. At least we both share a love of abstract art and electronic music. Oh yah, 30% of the class are electronic musicians. Apparently you can't call yourself an electronic musician in Deutsch because "musician" only applies to people who play classical instruments: piano, guitar, etc. Instead, you are supposed to refer to yourself as an "electronic music producer." Sure, sure.
I ran into one of my fellow classmates at an Indian restaurant today. Apparently he is a chef there. He gave Carlos and I 2 rounds of free highly alcoholic drinks, some extra naan, and changed the price of our normal dinner to a "kinder dinner" knocking off about 50%. I will buy him coffee tomorrow as a way of saying thanks.
Travel plans: 1. I'm going to Prague May 1 - 4. May 1st is a disaster in Kreuzberg, the somewhat more angsty / punky part of Berlin where I happen to live. It is a kind of "hate day" where people parade, riot, party, and generally EXPRESS their angst over whatever it is they are angsty about. Bottles are thrown. Cars are tipped. And so I intend to get the fuck out. I'll be visiting my friend Tom who I haven't seen in a bunch of years. He's super chill. It'll be good to see him.
2. I'll be in the states from May 11 - May 18th (or around then) as it turns out I have no school this week due to Pentecost. See you soon meinen freundin!

Mission Accomplished

1. Went to an interview for a job as a Business English Trainer (they gave me some tips on where to go for my intensive course and told me to come back in 4 months when I speak German)
2. Signed the lease for the new apartment (the rental agency gave us a free bottle of wine as a welcome gift! Can you imagine a landlord in the bay area doing something like that?)
3. Decided on a health insurance plan (which is actually pretty cheap if paid in USD as the conversion rate is not up to date- awesome)
4. Went grocery shopping at the Turkish Market- 1 euro each for bay leaves, chili, and other necessary spices. Not to mention: I love the Italian pasta guy. $4.50 for a ton of handmade pasta with truffle filling? Also: decided to get a pint of the freshly made hummus. That stuff goes fast.
5. Reserved a spot for both Carlos and I in the VHS intensive course. I think this will do just fine as for getting us our student visa. The instructor said so herself, and a few others have mentioned it would be okay.