TrendMafia: It's All In the Family

Between sudden manic depressive bursts of rain and sunshine, my good friend Vesna and I found refuge in Moritzplatz's own Trendmafia. Unlike its distant cousins The White Market or Holy Shit Shopping, the Trendmafia is a small, gemischt, and cozy outdoor / indoor market with an eclectic collection of unique offerings. About 30 designers, artists, kunst makers, and handi-crafters set up tent once every two weeks to bring the needy kreuzbergers a fresh supply of affordable one of a kind goods. It is TINY to be sure (the uninspiring photos of the location on the website will give you some idea...). With a TINY eintritt of one euro to match. But it's definitely worth a visit should you happen to find yourself in der nahe when the goings on are going on, or if you are in need of some very strange Geschenke for your nearest and weirdest.

Gems like sock puppet squids are not easily outshone by eye ball earrings or miniature aprons sized to fit bottles of dish soap. A collection of hausgemacht garments ranging from the inventive to the downright confusing is also to be had, should you have the cash and the patience.

I took home quite a few treasures of my own, despite the fact that I'm currently suffering from a post summer dip in my bank balance. But nothing cures an acute case of trans-seasonal depression quite like a good einkaufening. Here are a few of my newest trinkets as well as a little promo for the artists who made them:

Hand-Dyed Florette Bobby Pins by Kristin Cooper


Vintage Cat Earrings by Grandma's Paradise (unfortunately no website for her yet)


Felt Critter by Bobuya Filz


Monster Hair Accessories by Puppnoge


Post Card by Design Heilige


Pins by Himmel Rosa


Bikini Laune (Handmade Book) by Katja Simone Odenthal


Little Lady Crochet Wrist Cuff by ? (forgot to get her card!)


Enjoyed (but not enough to take home) certain screen printed graphic tees by Allmightys, a vote-by-design collective of Berlin-based illustrators and graphic designers operating strictly in the ever-so-trendy street nerd vein.

Had a brief flirt with some of the more white and drapey numbers by Linie 13, but had to pass on taking them home with me on account of the price tag.


Likewise, had to resist some strong, seductive knitted numbers by Lumapoli, particularly the little red riding capelette which beckons to me still and the delicate lacy bits and bobs by RosenVogel (particularly this bit and this bob).


Was also blown away by some pieces by Kati Elm whose mixed media and print pieces incorporate a cast of quirky, inked up characters like "It is better to keep your head empty" Dorothy or Terrorheidi. She also creates mixed media objects, some of which can even be hung on the common household wall. Check out her website and buy something if you can afford it.


Lastly, did want to make mention of a fantastic discovery worth sharing with you, my hand-made lovers. Although I am sure we are all familiar with Etsy.com, the number one auction site on the web for real things made by real people, I doubt we are all aware of (or at least I certainly was not until today) of Germany's own Deutsch equivalent, Dawanda. Dawanda is actually not German, exclusively, but is far more euro-centered (catering to those who hail from the U.K., France, and Deutschland) as opposed to Etsy, which remains more-or-less flooded with American-based sellers. Have a looksie if you are into that sort of thing.

Bar 25 Attire

This is what I wore to Bar 25 on my 25th birthday. Trashy!

Deutsch Lolcats

I'm a dork with too much time on my hands. Look what I made myself for my birthday! More to come.

Prinzenstrasse

The bubble gum pink lighting and rafters above Prinzenstrasse Ubahn. Notice anything strange? Know whose idea it was and where I can get their autograph?

The Punk Boat

There's this boat docked on one side of the Landwehrkanal near Grimmstrasse that I've been wondering about for a year and a half now. At first it was just sitting there, abandoned, unloved, and full of what looked like a lot of rubbish and furniture. Then it started to get graffitied more and more. Then people started sneaking on to it at night to have beers. Then people started sneaking on to it in broad daylight to have beers and SOMEBODY (I don't know who) decided that a bunch of barbed wire was in order to detour trespassers. A week (or less) later the barbed wire was gone and people were jumping over to go drink booze and graffiti the hell out of the boat again. I still have yet to do either myself, although I'll admit desperately to wanting to do both someday, when the moment is right.

FINDS! From the Mauer Park Flea Market

Finally got around to getting back to Mauer Park last Sunday for the flea market. For those not in the know, it is the largest collection on unwanted things from another time available in this city. Even bigger and more undesirable than Humana! There are also a lot of vendors selling new things including hand made t-shirts with high contrast graphics of the Fernseherturm on them (hey, I can get away with it because I thought of it first) and hippie wear. There was even a lady selling hippie bags out of her hippie van while burning pachouli-scented incense. Phew! I did manage to find some good stuff this time around which I haggled decently for, although I still think I could have grabbed the table for funf euro less. Oh well. Maybe next time.

[Yellow, red, and blue 1950s table; heat-molded record bowl constructed from "The Sound of Young America Vol. 2"; Deep khaki patent alligator skin wallet vintage and make unknown; Text entitled "Berlin: Gestern und Heute" circa 1974]

Yes We Camp!

So I'm throwing a little shindig for the 4th of July, you know, because I love big, sweaty Americans. So if you happen to be a big, sweaty American, come on down and bring your cute, fashionably emaciated girlfriend with you. Free cowboy hats for the first so many attendees!

Oh and the event is at a special secret location. Partially because I like to keep things underground, and partially because the place where we're throwing it wants us to keep our numbers low- to around 80 or so. So hit me up to find out the when and wheres!

Billy Boy Condom Energy Drink

It was recently brought to my attention that Billy Boy, the condom company with the lovable penis und frucht motif, has been making an energy drink. Check it out:

One has to wonder what kind of crazy person would want to try an energy drink created by a condom company. But apparently the drink is doing pretty well here in Germany. They've even made a Billy Boy Cocktail. AND you can even get a free condom in every can. Makes a great gift basket item.
They also sell lighters with Billy Boy doing all kinds of active things like parachuting or dressing up for carnival in his best penis-sized wig. Oh Billy. You're the wackiest anthropomorphic penis ever!
And if you're looking for some "really cool perspectives" try downloading some of the free desktop wallpapers located on the Billy Boy website. This will definitely send the right message to the ladies in the office.
The condoms themselves include fruit flavored, transparent, beaded, or with "special power." This last one kinda scares me. I don't want my boyfriend's prophylactics to have special abilities I'm not aware of.

The Shit Shelf

Much as I hate blog entries which include instant messaging conversations, I feel this one adds a unique insight into my life as an expat...

Brian: my roommate went out to buy a new toilet
me: that's random
just now?
it's like 8 almost
and what happened to your old toilet?
Brian: i know weird huh? he was taking measurements for it a few min ago
it's still there
me: o.0
Brian: he said he wants a toilet without a shelf because he doesn't want to look at his shit

me: o.0
um what???
Brian: hehehe
me: a shelf?
there is a shelf in your toilet?
Brian: you know how most german toilets have a shelf?
the shit drops and rests there
so you can examine it
then you flush it and it goes away
i guess people like to find out if they're gesund
i told joscha we don't have that in the us.
me: wait wait.. you are lying right?
Brian: and he said "yeah they don't have it in france either"
no, the germans are known for being so anal retentive as to check their own shit
anyway, he's apparently rejecting his cultural mandate
i'm not lying there was an even worse on in my old apt
because it would always leave skidmarks
so you have to brush it every time...or at least i would
me: ....
this is insanity.
Brian: that would be a fun article to write!
me: that is a good way to look at it
Brian: hehe
me: yes, this is insane and disgusting. But I can write about it!
Brian: you want to do it? ok
me: no no, you should do it. i don't have a shit shelf
Brian: oh ok
me: nor do i have any shit shelf experience.
Brian: pity

Secret Club & Bi-curious Open Mouth Night

A couple days over-due. And with reason.

1. Saturday - 2 AM arrival @ Zementgarten located just foot steps away from the middle of f---ing nowhere / Lichtenberg. After wandering around dark streets lined in dilapidating apartment buildings for 10 min. am lucky enough to find boy on Ecstasy aimlessly searching for the sbahn. Wir fragen re: secret entrance to warehouse club. He points to an almost person-sized break in a sheet metal gate. Across huge former parking lot in dead warehouse city lit only by single street lamp we pull a security door. Enter moist, red dungeon of a squat party dotted in hippies dancing with drugs. Despite aversion to fusion music, manage to move feet significantly to the sounds of computers, vocoder, kazoos, and plastic bottles. Dragged butt home just shy of daylight.

2. Sunday - The Berlin poetry release of Paula Varjack aka: my friend sara from London / New York / & Washington DC- featuring: others. Others consist of: Germany's first "Mid-western mid-eastern blue grass band," a drunk girl who was supposed to MC but showed up halfway through the event to slur some words into a microphone, a British comedian whose jokes consisted mainly of using the words "cunt" and "crisps" in succession, and a band of Romanian minstrels dressed in druidic-looking robes. This madness (survived by no less than 2 gin and tonics) was followed by a trip to nearby 8 mm where the very bad man of a DJ encouraged sara's unruly throng to dance on chairs, have a make-out huddle, and sing along to "Roxanne." There was much making out between the girls and f*ing in the bathrooms, especially after my group converged with a gaggle of blond Danish 20-somethings who were impressed with our belligerence. I alone abstained and was subsequently told by the bartender that I didn't look like I was having a good time. 3 bottles of beer later I had made friends with everyone, but holding strong to my promise not to catch mono refrained from the all-girl tongue lashing. None-the-less, an Olympicly persistent Swedish girl insisted upon giving me her phone number and myspace "just in case I come to Stockholm for sexy orgy." Did not beat daylight on the long, cold bike ride home. And am still haunted by the memories.

Dr. Pong: The Ping Pong Bar

Later I'm going to a Ping Pong bar in prenzlauerberg. Everyone stands around a ping pong table with a paddle hitting it back and forth until only two people are left- they then have to run from one side of the table to the other hitting the ball until somebody gets out. Then everything starts over again. Whee!

My Marriage to the Berlin Wall

This is interesting. And weird. And interesting:
http://www.berlinermauer.se/BerlinWall/tragedy.htm
Full explanation here: http://www.algonet.se/~giljotin/explan.html

I've heard more than a few people say they preferred things when Berlin was divided, and have heard many say the opposite as well, but I've NEVER heard of anyone going so far as to declare the wall, both seriously and passionately, is their husband.

Sportscrazy

It is fussball season and the fans out on the street in front of my house have just gone crazy. Turkey won the game and now very car within a 5 mile radius is honking, people are screaming, and the sounds of fireworks ripping through the air like gun shots disturbs the storm moist summer night. Is this really the end of a fussball game or the start of a war?

Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.

So I started school this week. It is interesting... The VHS (Volkshochschule) is something like a community college where people come to learn everything from knitting to cooking to, in my case, intensive German.
Today we sang a song to the tune of "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes..." which went:
"Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich verstehe nicht was sie sagen
Bitte, sprechen sie mehr langsam
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch."
Half of the class is Italian, and half are Turkish, and a small percentage are various other things (yes, there are three halves to my class). There is only one other American and native English speaker in the class, but all the Italian folk speak English quite well. They also seem to hate me. I think it is because I am borrowing Carlos's camo-print bag until I can afford to buy my own. Perhaps they think I'm some kind of war loving crazy?
That's not all. Yesterday the teacher asked me how many states were in the United States now (because it is plural - DEN USA) "56?" She asked. "More!" I said, making a joke about her overestimate. "No, no," she responded, "Iraq doesn't count."
Another faux pas was made earlier this morning when I suggested to one of the Italian students that they install a good ol' cafe / restaurant in the school, preferably one serving scrambled eggs. The joke was not responded to in kind. He said, "But you are in Europe now and we don't eat those things. If you want scrambled eggs then maybe you should go to London."
The Italian students are somewhat hard to relate to. For one, the Italian breakfast consists of cigarettes and black coffee. I think if I was from New York maybe I'd be able to fit in a little more. At least we both share a love of abstract art and electronic music. Oh yah, 30% of the class are electronic musicians. Apparently you can't call yourself an electronic musician in Deutsch because "musician" only applies to people who play classical instruments: piano, guitar, etc. Instead, you are supposed to refer to yourself as an "electronic music producer." Sure, sure.
I ran into one of my fellow classmates at an Indian restaurant today. Apparently he is a chef there. He gave Carlos and I 2 rounds of free highly alcoholic drinks, some extra naan, and changed the price of our normal dinner to a "kinder dinner" knocking off about 50%. I will buy him coffee tomorrow as a way of saying thanks.
Travel plans: 1. I'm going to Prague May 1 - 4. May 1st is a disaster in Kreuzberg, the somewhat more angsty / punky part of Berlin where I happen to live. It is a kind of "hate day" where people parade, riot, party, and generally EXPRESS their angst over whatever it is they are angsty about. Bottles are thrown. Cars are tipped. And so I intend to get the fuck out. I'll be visiting my friend Tom who I haven't seen in a bunch of years. He's super chill. It'll be good to see him.
2. I'll be in the states from May 11 - May 18th (or around then) as it turns out I have no school this week due to Pentecost. See you soon meinen freundin!

Happy Mice

To follow up on the jail house f*ck bed, here is a mouse pad from Rahaus, which is more or less an Ikea alternative. Great for the home or office. Not so great for impressing the ladies.

Dirty German Bed Designers

Was innocently looking for bed frames when I came across this (warning not safe for work!!!):

http://www.etage7.com/product_info.php/info/p95_JAILHOUSE-FUCK.html