MissBerlinette

TrendMafia: It's All In the Family

2009-09-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Between sudden manic depressive bursts of rain and sunshine, my good friend Vesna and I found refuge in Moritzplatz's own Trendmafia. Unlike its distant cousins The White Market or Holy Shit Shopping, the Trendmafia is a small, gemischt, and cozy outdoor / indoor market with an eclectic collection of unique offerings. About 30 designers, artists, kunst makers, and handi-crafters set up tent once every two weeks to bring the needy kreuzbergers a fresh supply of affordable one of a kind goods. It is TINY to be sure (the uninspiring photos of the location on the website will give you some idea...). With a TINY eintritt of one euro to match. But it's definitely worth a visit should you happen to find yourself in der nahe when the goings on are going on, or if you are in need of some very strange Geschenke for your nearest and weirdest.

Gems like sock puppet squids are not easily outshone by eye ball earrings or miniature aprons sized to fit bottles of dish soap. A collection of hausgemacht garments ranging from the inventive to the downright confusing is also to be had, should you have the cash and the patience.

I took home quite a few treasures of my own, despite the fact that I'm currently suffering from a post summer dip in my bank balance. But nothing cures an acute case of trans-seasonal depression quite like a good einkaufening. Here are a few of my newest trinkets as well as a little promo for the artists who made them:

Hand-Dyed Florette Bobby Pins by Kristin Cooper

Vintage Cat Earrings by Grandma's Paradise (unfortunately no website for her yet)

Felt Critter by Bobuya Filz

Monster Hair Accessories by Puppnoge

Post Card by Design Heilige

Pins by Himmel Rosa

Bikini Laune (Handmade Book) by Katja Simone Odenthal

Little Lady Crochet Wrist Cuff by ? (forgot to get her card!)

Enjoyed (but not enough to take home) certain screen printed graphic tees by Allmightys, a vote-by-design collective of Berlin-based illustrators and graphic designers operating strictly in the ever-so-trendy street nerd vein.

Had a brief flirt with some of the more white and drapey numbers by Linie 13, but had to pass on taking them home with me on account of the price tag.

Likewise, had to resist some strong, seductive knitted numbers by Lumapoli, particularly the little red riding capelette which beckons to me still and the delicate lacy bits and bobs by RosenVogel (particularly this bit and this bob).

Was also blown away by some pieces by Kati Elm whose mixed media and print pieces incorporate a cast of quirky, inked up characters like "It is better to keep your head empty" Dorothy or Terrorheidi. She also creates mixed media objects, some of which can even be hung on the common household wall. Check out her website and buy something if you can afford it.

Lastly, did want to make mention of a fantastic discovery worth sharing with you, my hand-made lovers. Although I am sure we are all familiar with Etsy.com, the number one auction site on the web for real things made by real people, I doubt we are all aware of (or at least I certainly was not until today) of Germany's own Deutsch equivalent, Dawanda. Dawanda is actually not German, exclusively, but is far more euro-centered (catering to those who hail from the U.K., France, and Deutschland) as opposed to Etsy, which remains more-or-less flooded with American-based sellers. Have a looksie if you are into that sort of thing.

Kinky Blowfeld

2009-08-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

Saw this across the spree while eating dinner at the Bar 25 restaurant. Dirty Kikiblofeld.

Badeschiff Open Air

2009-08-03T09:10:00.001-07:00

So apparently the Badeschiff has been doing open air concerts regularly for some time. Went to see one with Vesna, my new tandem partner, and her friend Jenny who both have tattoos on their wrists. It is my theory that when they put them together their super powers activate. Below is a photo of this phenomena in action:

I was pleased to see they actually do let people swim until midnight. Can't be safe with all these werewolves around.
The place was pretty packed for the concert and I felt very bad for a friend of mine who was working the bar (thank gods most Germans stick to beers and not cocktails). I felt even worse for the audience who had to sit and listen to the cheesiest Deutsch band on the planet. Isn't it a crime in Germany to rhyme "Alles klar" with "wunderbar?" Please tell me they had to pay several hundred euros in order to say that... I wish I could remember their name so I could prevent you all from ever having to hear them play. The only redeeming thing about them was that their keyboardist had a rhinestone eye patch, which I think he actually (medically) had to wear. So kudos to that guy. I did take a picture so here you go. Pass this along to everyone you love and hold dear. Tell them to beware these false minstrels:

For those who don't know what the Badeschiff is, it is a pool on a boat which is on the spree near Treptower Park. There is sand and they have a couple Jailhouse Fuck Beds for you to sit on, as well as hammocks and beach chairs if they are not already taken up by hip indie moms nursing their hip indie babies. There is a bar and they sometimes serve bratwurts and potatoes when they feel like. Entry is hella cheap and free after 9? 7? I don't remember. http://www.arena-berlin.de/badeschiff.aspx

Also took a picture of the bathroom at Arena just because it was there, calling to me, and some photos of the red lights hanging overhead (there are like a hundred of these):

Oh and the half eaten whales. We love the half eaten whales.:

Bar 25 Attire

2009-08-03T09:08:00.001-07:00

This is what I wore to Bar 25 on my 25th birthday. Trashy!

More Warehouse More of the Time

2009-08-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

Turned 25 and haven't had the chance to update. Two new spaces to add to my "things I am digging about Berlin" list:

1) PnB

Pulled an all nighter here a couple weeks ago for a 24 hour rave / art exhibition. Well, there was supposedly an art exhibition somewhere but I didn't see one. All I saw was some pretty video edits of topless 70s films spliced with grainy footage of dramatic "urban decay." Rockin' the decks upstairs was the incredible DJ Donna Summers, a friend of a friend who I'd met before but hadn't seen play live. Before he went on he asked me about this, "Have you heard me? I'm awesome," is what he told me. And let me tell you, kiddies: DJ Donner Summers is awesome. Two thumbs up for the rave happy rendition of Smells Like Teen Spirit. The downstairs floor was dedicated to experimental glitches and noise of the kind that I'm not usually too interested in. Additiv said he liked the underground feel of it. I laughed when a couple folks we met said they'd seen a flyer for the party at the hostel. Ah, so is the nature of the beast. Tourism will eat this city alive until all the city is full of tourists, taking photos of each other in front of Tacheles.

2) Raum 18

Went here this weekend for the Sameheads 3rd Birthday Bash. There was a 7 foot tall (albeit non-edible) cake blocking the doorway, 2 dance floors of bootie shaking beats, and hoards of sweaty, musky young Leute dancing around in their most avant garde Zweite Hande chugging Becks. Quite impressed by [Trap] who I'd seen flyers for everywhere but had never actually heard of. Wanted to see Clark but could not keep my eyes open past 5 a.m. Was charmed by the slaughterhouse feel to the place. Spent some time appreciating the human sized paper doll hanging from the ceiling of the smoking room while snuggly settling into a vintage dentist's chair. Also: managed to successfully complete a Frankenstein's head puzzle I was handed upon entry just before heading home. Here it is. Marvel at my talent:

Deutsch Lolcats

2009-07-31T09:22:00.001-07:00

I'm a dork with too much time on my hands. Look what I made myself for my birthday! More to come.

What are you doing here?

2009-07-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

For about a year and a half now, the first two questions I'm usually asked upon meeting a complete stranger are: A) What are you doing here? B) How long are you planning on staying? I realize these questions seem only natural for the asker, who is only trying to make polite conversation, but the cumulative effect of having to answer them on a nearly daily basis over such a long period of time is that I'm made to feel like a freakin' alien. Maybe I'm just bitter because I haven't come up with a good answer to either. I really don't know what I'm doing in Berlin. I'm not working much. I'm not studying much. I could lie and say that I'm gestating but mostly I'm just hanging out, going to parties, scribbling things into notebooks. I also spend a lot of time hoping I by some miracle (or cunninglinguis) continue to meet my visa requirements despite the government's attempts to suffocate us non-EUers in as much red tape as it takes. The stress of this coupled with the everyday strain of not being able to communicate clearly to the world surrounding me even the most basic of concepts (for example "I'm not an employee of Karstadt, fuck off old lady") inflated by the relentless stream of life-changing situations I've had to deal with on German soil has seriously started to get to me. Or maybe I'm just having one of those days where I'd rather be home and not need an excuse to be where I am or to explain how long I plan on being there. Maybe it's just one of those days and tomorrow I won't feel like I need the questions to stop that badly. I'll just smile and say, "Just living, and you?"

BavARia

2009-07-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Michael, who is Bavarian. He wants you to know that not all Bavarians are elitist. Although some are.
[Photos taken at Ankerklaus KanalBar after lots of coffee]

Prinzenstrasse

2009-07-14T16:51:00.001-07:00

The bubble gum pink lighting and rafters above Prinzenstrasse Ubahn. Notice anything strange? Know whose idea it was and where I can get their autograph?

The (New) East Side Gallery

2009-07-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went by the East Side Gallery (the longest remaining stretch of the Berlin Wall used as an open air gallery) to see the new paintings. I can't say I'm 100% pleased with the results. Granted, some of the old paintings were a bit cheesy but some of the new ones are simply hideous. I don't know who curates these things, but I'm willing to bet the bureaucrats had something to do with it and as we all know bureaucrats are notorious for having terrible taste in art (Merkel still swears by Thomas Kinkade). Because I cherish you, dear readers, I've chosen NOT to share photos of the terrible bits of the wall that will make you gag and want to bludgeon your own eyes out with bottle caps. Instead, I've snapped a few of the good paintings, one restored, and some of the unpainted sections for contrast. Enjoy. (As always, click if you want it bigger, or just shout at your screen)

The Punk Boat

2009-07-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

There's this boat docked on one side of the Landwehrkanal near Grimmstrasse that I've been wondering about for a year and a half now. At first it was just sitting there, abandoned, unloved, and full of what looked like a lot of rubbish and furniture. Then it started to get graffitied more and more. Then people started sneaking on to it at night to have beers. Then people started sneaking on to it in broad daylight to have beers and SOMEBODY (I don't know who) decided that a bunch of barbed wire was in order to detour trespassers. A week (or less) later the barbed wire was gone and people were jumping over to go drink booze and graffiti the hell out of the boat again. I still have yet to do either myself, although I'll admit desperately to wanting to do both someday, when the moment is right.

FINDS! From the Mauer Park Flea Market

2009-07-14T16:07:00.001-07:00

Finally got around to getting back to Mauer Park last Sunday for the flea market. For those not in the know, it is the largest collection on unwanted things from another time available in this city. Even bigger and more undesirable than Humana! There are also a lot of vendors selling new things including hand made t-shirts with high contrast graphics of the Fernseherturm on them (hey, I can get away with it because I thought of it first) and hippie wear. There was even a lady selling hippie bags out of her hippie van while burning pachouli-scented incense. Phew! I did manage to find some good stuff this time around which I haggled decently for, although I still think I could have grabbed the table for funf euro less. Oh well. Maybe next time.

[Yellow, red, and blue 1950s table; heat-molded record bowl constructed from "The Sound of Young America Vol. 2"; Deep khaki patent alligator skin wallet vintage and make unknown; Text entitled "Berlin: Gestern und Heute" circa 1974]

Graffiti Graffit Graffiti

2009-07-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

We love the graffiti in Berlin. It is truly exceptional. Here are some examples (click to see a larger version).

Moderat @ Maria Bass Berlin Festival Day 1

2009-07-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

What happens when you mix Modeselektor's heavy ape-like bootie beats with Apparat's light and bubbly glitches? Absolute love. Moderat is the name of the collaboration between two seemingly dissimilar Berlin-based electronic artists who somehow manage to tow the line perfectly between pretty and down and dirty. The result is a sound that is truly unique, at times hard to follow, and in its best moments jaw droppingly hot.

Anyone watching the crowd at Maria am Ostbahnhof on opening day of the BASS Berlin Festival could see this clearly as soon as Moderat took the stage. At moments, the audience was bumping and grinding along to the tracks that carried overtones of Modeselektor's deep bass and grinding beats. And in another moment Apparat's floaty, melodic sounds would leave the crowd standing there, staring up at the stage as if they were in the presence of a symphonic orchestra. An odd combination, but one that works as a result of its unexpectedness. This is the sort of collaboration that challenges conventional expectations, breaking down the boarders between genres of electronic music and creating an overall appreciation of sound.

Neither artist is unique to using collaboration as a vessel for pursuing the rare, untapped waters of electronic music. Moderat is one of Apparat's many collaborations with popular artists who share his interest in producing strange and beautiful sounds. His first was with techno all-star Ellen Allien best known for her albums Stadtkind and Berlinette. Most recently together they produced the aptly named Orchestra of Bubbles, an airy, emotional collection which debuted Apparat's vocal "talents." The album is far more indie than bootie, which is no surprise as Apparat's focus has never been on producing dance music, although Ellen Alien's, at least occasionally, has. But for all that it is an absolute pleasure to listen to while lying naked on the bathroom floor.

It's hard to think of a major artist deserving of their attention whom Modeselektor hasn't collaborated with yet. So far they've combined oscillations with Thom Yorke, Puppetmastaz, Otto von Schirach, Pfadfinderei, and Rhythm and Sound, all quite successfully. It's either a testament to their flexibility as artists or a hurrah to the staying power of their own unique brew of bass and delay that they've yet to stumble when it comes to producing brain shattering music alongside other artists, no matter how dissimilar.

After witnessing (what now seems like) the only natural intersection of Apparat and Modeselektor in the flesh, I can tell you that it is an entirely different experience than listening to the recordings in the comfort of your own dirty, low rent apartment (which you can do on Soundcloud for free by the way...) The process is so transparent on the stage that it is almost humbling to look at. Front and center it looked like just three friends standing around drinking beers over a couple laptops while foreign sounds exploded through the speakers. In fact, I got so close to the trio that I could see up Modeselektor's nostrils, which are plenty handsome by the way. And I was so moved by the seamless interaction between man and machine exhibited by these three electronic MUSICIANS in the truest sense of the word that I'm afraid I'll never wash these ears again.

Depeche Mode & The Writer From New York

2009-07-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

So the first thing I did this morning was watch this video and eat toast:

I figured it would cure me of this feeling I woke up with.

It's difficult to explain, but long story short is that I'm beginning to think I hate other writers and maybe I don't want to pursue a career in journalism because the more writers I meet the more I realize what talentless, self-absorbed jerks they are.

Take for example this writer I met yesterday, whose name I've purposefully forgotten. I was introduced to him by a good friend of mine who told me he'd flown in from New York for a couple weeks.

This sort of thing happens all the time. New York artists are always popping up in Berlin, crawling out of the sewers or dropping out of the sky. We're practically being candy bombed with them.

Which is not to say we're the only ones in the NY Artists receiving department. Some other cities on the route include: Paris, Copenhagen, Barcelona, Madrid, San Francisco and, for some reason, Portland, Oregon. I'm not sure why this is. Call it the kuntsler migratory pattern. But for whatever reason the New York kunstlers are the loudest and seem to be the most abundant.

Anyways, I figured I'd be friendly, introduce myself, ask what line of kunstlering he was in, and so on. He answered that he had been working for the Advocate for 3 years and was now freelancing, looking forward to traveling, writing some travel articles for the New York Times, maybe if he had time, and wanted to go into an MFA program in the future. I asked him where and he said Hollins University, which I told him I hadn't heard of. And then, get this, he actually guffawed.

Now, never in my 25 years of life have I seen someone actually guffaw before, though characters in novels seem to guffaw all the time. So I was a little taken aback to see one in real life.

"Oh, you wouldn't know unless you were in THAT kind of circle," he said. "That's where the real writers are."

Now I had already told him by this point that I was a writer, but perhaps he'd forgotten or hadn't listened or didn't care. Or maybe I just wasn't a "real" writer considering I never worked for the Advocate or wrote for the New York Times. But by this point in the conversation I was about ready to toss my drink on the guy and walk away. Instead I asked him if he was planning on moving here.

"Oh I definitely want to. I'd love to do some writing for _____ and ______ and _______. There's probably a lot of money in it."

I politely suggested that Berlin was not a great place to make money, and that if he wanted to move here it would be better to do so when he had a good bit of savings to live off of. He took offense and insisted that I was "crazy" and that any real periodical would pay $2 a word for a 3,000 word feature from him and that would give him $4,000, which was more than enough to live off of in Berlin.

I decided to jump ship and go back to find Carlos at the bar and tell him how much I hated New Yorkers. And even though I did this, at great length, I still felt... annoyed.

Part of it was obviously annoyance that someone in New York had given so much work to a writer who can't even do basic multiplication while the rest of us in Berlin are sitting around starving to death, and part of it was anger at the publication process in general. But along with this there was this anger, this extreme disgust with how much networking has become a part of the art and writing world, and how good ol' fashioned talent has become at best unnecessary and at worst undesirable.

Okay okay, I'm not that naive. I know networking has ALWAYS been important. I suppose I've only been saved from it up till now because I only recently started to write for cold, hard cash. In the end this is probably why I settled on Berlin, hoping to avoid the constant, necessary mingling that occurs in busy cities like San Francisco and New York.

But in truth networking probably happens here more among the expats than it did back home. After all, as an artist you have a smaller potential audience here so you have to make every person (who speaks English) love you and want to come to your next show, see your next film, read your next article, etc. etc.

Lately I've begun to feel used. And, simultaneously, ignored. I'm really worried I'll be forced to become a smarmy, self-absorbed jerk in order to make a name for myself, make a living doing what I want to do instead of teaching Business English to the kind Leute at Deutsch Bahn. I hope this isn't the case, but the deeper I get into the business of writing the more I find myself wanting to run away screaming or stay and chew off my own fingers.

Yes We Camp!

2009-06-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I'm throwing a little shindig for the 4th of July, you know, because I love big, sweaty Americans. So if you happen to be a big, sweaty American, come on down and bring your cute, fashionably emaciated girlfriend with you. Free cowboy hats for the first so many attendees!

Oh and the event is at a special secret location. Partially because I like to keep things underground, and partially because the place where we're throwing it wants us to keep our numbers low- to around 80 or so. So hit me up to find out the when and wheres!

Itunes Hates Expats

2009-06-25T12:46:00.001-07:00

So apparently the Itunes Store, where I used to get all my slick American movies and tunes, is USA-only now, which means I can't rent Fast Food Nation tonight for the low low price of just under three American dollars.

Now some of you might be wondering why I'm complaining. After all, don't they have video stores in Germany? Yes, yes they do. But they are strange. Let me tell you why: In the U.S. the normal period for a rental is something like 3 - 5 days. In Germany, it's more like a few hours. You're expected to watch the movie and return it after you're done with it. Sure, you can keep it till the next day, but this will be double or sometimes triple the cost. Crazy isn't it?

This isn't as big an issue as finding movies I want to watch that are in English anyways, particularly new releases which don't come out until (sometimes) a year after their US debut, and then sometimes not at all if the film isn't a cheesy blockbuster. Guess I'll just have to raid Divxmoviesonline again and hope I can find something that isn't a cam or a glitchy file.

On a side note I did get a good laugh last year when I was walking through Videoworld (Germany's Blockbuster Video) and I saw that- not only did they have a section for "stoner films"- but in it, sandwiched between Cheech n' Chong and Detroit Rock City was Lord of the Rings. You know, because Legolas LOVES the herb.

Germans Don't Date

2009-06-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, miss Paula Varjack--ever with her finger to the pulse of pop culture-- sent me this:

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
And it got me thinking about the subject of German dating. To be honest, I've never seen two Germans on a date together. All the couples I see out in public have obviously been together for a while.
So I asked Brian's roommate Jahn about this and he says, "No, no we don't date."
"But you have sex, right?" I asked as a follow up.
"Yes."
"But then how do people wind up in relationships?"
"Well maybe you have sex a few times and then if you like someone you go out for a date."
I was stunned.
So then I asked my friend Mella about this and she confirmed it.
"No, you have sex first. That's how I met my last boyfriend. We had sex and then after we were having sex for a while we decided to start dating."
I was aghast.
"It's not like that in the states?" She asked.
"No," and then I proceeded to explain to her about how in the states you go on a date and the guy buys you dinner. You're not expected to put out AND you get free dinner. Then after 4 or 5 dinners, you maybe sleep with him.
"Really?" She asks.
"Yeah, of course. Although sometimes instead of just dinner you go to the movies or to clubs or something. Some guys don't pay for you but many still do."
"That sounds great!" She says. "I'm moving to America!"
...

Tandem Gesucht!

2009-06-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

A tandem, for those who find the term as foreign as I did when I first heard it, is basically a language swap. I've been trying to do one for quite some time but every time I find someone who seems to fit the bill, they either move or are too busy or plans just fall through. Anyways, I finally got around to putting up yet another ad on Kijiji (the German equivalent of Craigslist) seeking a tandem this Summer. In the ad, I mentioned that I was 24 and had interests in reading, writing, electronic music, cocktail parties, and so on and that I was looking for someone around the same age with the same interests so that "die sprechen kommt leicht." I already received three responses, all of which are strange and which I intend to share with you because I am a rude person:

Tandem response #1:
Even if you are looking for someone younger, I offer you my help in anyway. I am 60 years, am retired, was teacher of German and Juristerei. Gladly I am willing to teach you to grant a temporary classroom. I do it voluntarily. Common interests, we have both too. This is read, write, close, compose, play and sing. Do you like it so superior. Hope you do a nice young teacher or Studemten find. Regards Günther

Tandem response #2
i am also interested in tandem conversations.i would be nice to have some conversations in english and some in german.i am native german a i think we could help each other.im a 24 year old male sportsmen,love to party at black music,house and eletronic.i live in tempelhof airport.to kreuzberg it takes 10 minutes by car.
i am lokking foreward to see you!

Tandem response #3
Cool,
Then we can advance my englich and your german ;-)
Liebe Grüße

I responded to #3. Not that I don't like hanging out with 60 year old lawyers named Gunther or young German sportsmen who are into black music, but I feel less intimidated by simplicity.

Berlin Expats Online

2009-06-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

Because I enjoy the idea of Toytown and not necessarily the wankers who are on it all the time, a year ago I decided to create my own community called Berlin Expats. The community is on Livejournal, so you'll have to create an account if you want to post. You can read the posts without joining.

http://community.livejournal.com/berlinexpats/

And now I leave you with the trusty livejournal mascot, Frank the goat:

Musik vom Addiv

2009-05-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

There are few things as cool as having a boyfriend who is an electronic musician. Simply the mention of dating someone who prefers twisting nobs to plucking strings or mixing beats inside a tiny metal box instead of banging them out on a full-size set of drums makes people's eyes go all wide and boggly. Of course, few have any kind of understanding of how vast the term "electronic music" truly is, and when I say this anything from Moby to Aphex Twin comes to mind and in the end very few people get an inkling of what Los's music is really like. So to set the record straight, here is a full entry dedicated to mein Mann and his audible noise.

Carlos Hinojosa aka Additiv was making music before most of us knew how to tie our shoes. Starting on the cello at the tender age of six, he grew from a classical background. But the limitations of the genre became apparent in High School and he abandoned the cello altogether for a different kind of sound. Growing up in Detroit, a city as at home with spacy, electronic noise as Berlin or London, gave him constant access to performers as diverse as Adult, Lusine, Richie Hawtin, Scan 7, Underground Resistance and notable foreigners like Miss Kittin and Vladislav Delay. After experimenting with computerized sounds based in software, Additiv began including electronic instruments and synthisized sounds into his works to create a more unique instrumental experience. His music straddles definitions of techno, glitch, noise, and drone. He is currently working on his first release which will include the tracks Rubberfist and Bolus.

Give a listen on Soundcloud: http://soundcloud.com/additiv

Follow Additiv on Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/additivnoise

Mircrobe Man & Central Heating of Death

2009-05-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was sick so I spent the whole day watching Moyashimon which is an anime series about a guy who can see microbes (adorable adorable microbes). You can watch it here the next time you're feeling under the weather and want to celebrate how cute the microbes infecting your weak, useless body are.

This "morning" I woke up at 3pm. The jet lag is lovely.

I checked my email and in my regular newsletter for White Trash Fast Food (a club in Mitte that indeed serves white trash fast food and does live music performances) I came across a flyer for a band called zentralheizung of death (Central Heating of Death). Not sure if I'll go to the show but I sure do appreciate the concept.

Our heating bill for the year was $2,000. I'm pretty sure part of this is us ending up paying for someone else's heat as we didn't keep record of the heating BEFORE we moved in (stupid expats) but there is, as usual, nothing we can do about it but zahlen.

Good news: the weather in Berlin is lovely. It is sunny with a dash of lightning storms.

Back in Berlin

2009-05-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

Got back to Berlin yesterday ohne luggage. Our 4 bags got misplaced somewhere between here and Amsterdam. Los suggested that perhaps my new cocktail dress ran into his grey velveteen smoking jacket and decided to high tail it to Tahiti together, taking their comrades with them. They are back in our possession now having been dropped off by some long, skinny deutschers showing the effects of the lightning storm earlier this morning. The apartment is super clean thanks to our subleter Dolby Anol who now lives just down the street. Bandita is pudgy but happy. I am sick with something that I hope to hell isn't swine flu. Only time (and tea) will tell.

For those who are interested in seeing some nice shots of Berlin and Berlin-like-people, take a look at this short film by a good friend of mine who happens to have an excellent sense of humor: http://www.thirteen.org/sites/reel13/category/vote/

Berlin Police Warn Against Tricksters

2009-05-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious: http://www.visitberlin.de/english/berlin-infos/e_bi_huetchenspieler-flyer.pdf
It's a pamphlet by the polizei warning tourists about swindlers. It is also illustrated and in several languages. For the record, I have never seen anyone being asked to play the "find the lady game," only asked to buy ridiculous furry hats with hammer and cycle pins on the front and spray painted pieces of concrete that are supposedly parts of the Berlin Wall.

Jannis Kounellis & The Materials of Basic Needs

2009-03-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to the neue nationalgalerie and saw an exhibit by
Jannis Kounellis that we had seen a flyer for at a cafe:
www.smb.museum. It was a very strange exhibit- mostly a labyrinth of
10 ft high iron walls (partially rusted- a sign before the exhibit
said "Danger: The walls of the labyrinth may be dirty") and as you
wandered through you would find certain artifacts- an egg, a bit of
cotton with a fly on it, bags of coal seated in a circle of chairs, empty
coffeee bean sacks that had been strewn together to make a blanket,
rolled up raincoats (maybe) with knives poking out of them. Very bizarre.

As most of the "artifacts" had to do with civilization and necessary
materials in particular I took it to mean something along the lines
that man often lives in poverty- spending his whole life to gain
access to the materials that make life possible- food, coal, blankets-
the bare necessities. Man spends more and more time trying to find
these things until eventually he finds himself in a maze- unable to
escape his search for the materials necessary to satisfy his basic needs. As for what this indicates, I can
only think one of two things: 1) that art is a luxury those in poverty
can't afford or 2) this struggle is in and of itself an artform- it is basic and human in nature and something that needn't go unrepresented. It's
hard to tell which. Carlos seemed to think- more or
less- that the exhibit expressed how 3rd world countries are exploited
for their resources (many of the artifacts were obviously from
argentina or other historically exploited countries).
At any rate, very interesting. Some more photos are
located here: http://www.smb.museum/smb/presse/image_list.php?id_gruppe=109〈=de&n=3

Berlin Launches Friendliness Campaign

2009-03-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

"BERLIN (Reuters) - Berlin has launched a new "friendliness" campaign to keep tourists flocking to the German capital during a time of economic crisis.

With the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall looming in November and the World Championships in athletics due in August, police, street cleaners, airport staff and taxi drivers have begun wearing special red pins to signal to visitors that they are ready to lend a helping hand.

The campaign, launched this week by the city government and local companies, mirrors a friendliness drive that was launched back in 2006 when Germany hosted the soccer World Cup.

"Berlin has a reputation in Germany of being a rude city, but we're a rude city with a heart," said Rene Gorka, head of Berlin Partners, a marketing group that promotes the city.

After hitting a record high of eight million last year, the number of tourists to the German capital has leveledoff in the start of 2009, due partly to the financial crisis, Gorka said.

"Despite the crisis, Berlin is still attractive," he said, adding it was a bargain destination for tourists.

In addition to the 13 Berlin-based companies participating in the campaign, some 1,050 police officers and 2,000 transport workers are joining in.

"With the upcoming anniversary of the fall of the Wall and the World Championships in athletics, Berliners should be as friendly as they were in 2006 and not give any credence to our rude image," Gorka said.

(Reporting by Franziska Scheven, editing by Paul Casciato)

Billy Boy Condom Energy Drink

2009-03-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

It was recently brought to my attention that Billy Boy, the condom company with the lovable penis und frucht motif, has been making an energy drink. Check it out:

One has to wonder what kind of crazy person would want to try an energy drink created by a condom company. But apparently the drink is doing pretty well here in Germany. They've even made a Billy Boy Cocktail. AND you can even get a free condom in every can. Makes a great gift basket item.
They also sell lighters with Billy Boy doing all kinds of active things like parachuting or dressing up for carnival in his best penis-sized wig. Oh Billy. You're the wackiest anthropomorphic penis ever!
And if you're looking for some "really cool perspectives" try downloading some of the free desktop wallpapers located on the Billy Boy website. This will definitely send the right message to the ladies in the office.
The condoms themselves include fruit flavored, transparent, beaded, or with "special power." This last one kinda scares me. I don't want my boyfriend's prophylactics to have special abilities I'm not aware of.

Silvester

2009-01-01T08:55:00.000-08:00

So I started seeing signs up for Silvester parties as soon as I got home. I didn't know what Silvester was. I thought it might be linked to New Years as all the parties were on the 31st. Turns out Silvester is the German equivalent of New Years. But why call it Silvester? Carlos found this equally confusing and asked his hair dresser about it. "Silvester?" He asked, while the hair dressed took away ribbons of black and white shiny curls from his head. "Yeah, you know, like the cat," is what his hair dresser replied, hoping this would somehow explain things.

Our new years was kinda shitty. The good part was before we left the house. Brian and his friend Eduardo, who looks like Mr. July in a gay men of South America 2009 calendar, came over and had some champagne with us. Carlos's cousin Aude and her friend Marine are in from Paris so we had a nice little mini party watching drunk people shoot off M80s in the street. Then it came time to go out and Brian and Eduardo left to go to a gay club that has a labyrinth below it, you know, for sexual exploration. Aude and Marine and Carlos and I started to walk to the Ubahn, despite the fact that Brian had warned us about people setting off fireworks in the ubahn trains. Getting to the train station (which is all of a block away) was frightening enough. As we ducked and weaved among the random bursts of soot, ash, and cinder, the 20 degree frozen air shook with booms and bangs. But the worst was yet to come. In the subway it turned out people were setting off fireworks at the feet of the crowds gathered to take the night train out to Alexanderplatz. It is a miracle no one was injured. Everyone was scared shitless except for the drunk people who were too busy setting off the fireworks to notice fear. There was another group of drunk people who were actually tossing fireworks down from the street into the subway stations, blindly. It was like being mini bombed. Carlos freaked out, and we ended up taking a cab to Ritterstrasse 42, a warehouse that excels in throwing banging electro parties. The line for eintritt was about 100 people long, and the cover was a whopping 25 euro. Having gone through so much to get there, we decided to fork over the cash. In return we were granted entry to 8 different rooms and over 30 different musical acts. There was techno, electro, and hip hop performed by muppets. There were also swarms of drunken tourists. Two of the tourists were nice enough to share their drinks with the front of my blouse. Soaked and not nearly drunk enough to be passive about such a thing, I forced myself to spend a miserable 3 hours attempting to dance in a crowd of 6 ft. somethings who kept elbowing me in the head before giving up and going home. It's 5 now. Aude and Marine are still at the club. I hope they are faring better than we did. Carlos and I took a bath and ate some fancy cheese. Tomorrow I think I'm staying in. I have no new years resolutions to speak of, aside from finishing up the myriad of projects I started this year. Carlos has two resolutions. 1) To Not Die 2) To Figure Out Why He Is Living In Berlin. I already solved the second one. I'm living in Berlin to figure out why I wanted to live in Berlin so badly. I haven't quite put my finger on it. Sometimes I think the answer is pure insanity, sometimes a lack of direction, lack of money, abundance of creative spontaneity. Not quite sure. Nights like these make me hate Berlin, make me feel like a permanent tourist, like I'm living in an expat playground. I still don't think the U.S. is better, but it is definitely, in some ways, more comfortable. And I miss my friends.

How was everyone else's Silvester? Any resolutions made? Mysterious strangers kissed?

Gypsies

2008-12-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

I just recently decided to boycott a forum here in Germany on account of a particularly racist thread on gypsies. The thread started because there are some women around Alexanderplatz (downtown Berlin) who will come up to you, baby in arms and ask you "do you speak English?" If you say yes, they will show you a card which tells their tragic tale, and ask you for some money. Now, granted, I understand this is annoying. But it does not deserve the kind of comments made in this thread. To boot, I have some evidence that the women in question were not Roma (the accent they spoke with, their dress, and several other factors) but even if they were, this sort of thing is not acceptable. Now then, even though I know better than to feed the trolls, I had to comment with something. My grandfather was of Romanian gypsy decent. He was the first to come to America and went from having a traveling bear act to almost becoming one of the three stooges! So anyway, I told these racist idiots what anyone on the defensive side of a racist attack would- that they were ignorant and should all be ashamed of themselves. I doubt this did much, except make them more indignant and protective of their racist views and have since decided to abandon the conversation. It's hard for me to sit by on this issue and I've had to more and more while living in Europe. People tend to lump anyone of ethnicity who is a beggar or prostitute under the "roma umbrella" and considering the horrendous loads of shit people like my grandfather and his parents had to go through, it is almost intolerable for me. Among other things, an estimated one million five hundred thousand Roma and Sinti were murdered during the holocaust, frequently the victims of gross experiments and unnatural forms of torture. More recently, the Italian government has been accused of burning Romani camps in order to get rid of the "gypsy problem." All this, and yet Berlin has not completed the monument to the Sinti and Roma that was planned at the same time as the Jewish memorial. You can go to it now and all it is is a vacant dirty lot with a plaque. When asked why a proper monument has yet to be built 47 years later, they say there isn't enough interest. They mean tourists. Tourists associate the Sinti and Roma with beggars, thieves, and prostitutes. Never mind that they are also a culture from which several notable artists, musicians, and other professionals emerged, including my grand father. Yes, there are people in the Roma / Sinti culture who are beggars, thieves, and prostitutes, just as there are white people who are beggars, thieves, prostitutes, just as there are black people who are beggars, thieves, prostitutes, and just as there are people of every ethnicity who have had to do what they have to do to make a living. To label an entire culture based on a select group of individuals is racism. It is no different than the racism that has been faced by people of any other ethnicity. So to everyone who feels they have been "annoyed" by a Gypsy, and wishes they would just "go away" or get kicked out of whatever country, or starve and die in the streets until there are none left, you should perhaps realize that people like Adolf Hitler thought exactly the way you did, and do you really want to share the opinions of a mass murdering fuck head?

This post is in loving memory of my grand father.

-M

The Shit Shelf

2008-11-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Much as I hate blog entries which include instant messaging conversations, I feel this one adds a unique insight into my life as an expat...

Brian: my roommate went out to buy a new toilet
me: that's random
just now?
it's like 8 almost
and what happened to your old toilet?
Brian: i know weird huh? he was taking measurements for it a few min ago
it's still there
me: o.0
Brian: he said he wants a toilet without a shelf because he doesn't want to look at his shit

me: o.0
um what???
Brian: hehehe
me: a shelf?
there is a shelf in your toilet?
Brian: you know how most german toilets have a shelf?
the shit drops and rests there
so you can examine it
then you flush it and it goes away
i guess people like to find out if they're gesund
i told joscha we don't have that in the us.
me: wait wait.. you are lying right?
Brian: and he said "yeah they don't have it in france either"
no, the germans are known for being so anal retentive as to check their own shit
anyway, he's apparently rejecting his cultural mandate
i'm not lying there was an even worse on in my old apt
because it would always leave skidmarks
so you have to brush it every time...or at least i would
me: ....
this is insanity.
Brian: that would be a fun article to write!
me: that is a good way to look at it
Brian: hehe
me: yes, this is insane and disgusting. But I can write about it!
Brian: you want to do it? ok
me: no no, you should do it. i don't have a shit shelf
Brian: oh ok
me: nor do i have any shit shelf experience.
Brian: pity

German Women Don't Want To Cook Your Dinner

2008-10-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

"“What are we eating today?” is the most annoying question German women frequently answer, according to a new survey by women’s magazine Bella. Two-thirds of the 1,051 women surveyed said this question threatened their sanity, while some 59 percent said “I can’t do everything,” was their least favourite male commentary.

“She’s your daughter after all,” and “How much longer do you need in the bathroom?” were also on the list of questions that disturb relationship harmony, the magazine reported.

Men would do well to repeat compliments like, “Dear, you always look great!” in order to restore a happy balance in their homes, 34 percent of the survey’s 35 to 60-year-old women said."

From: The Local
http://www.thelocal.de/14883/20081014/

Secret Club & Bi-curious Open Mouth Night

2008-10-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

A couple days over-due. And with reason.

1. Saturday - 2 AM arrival @ Zementgarten located just foot steps away from the middle of f---ing nowhere / Lichtenberg. After wandering around dark streets lined in dilapidating apartment buildings for 10 min. am lucky enough to find boy on Ecstasy aimlessly searching for the sbahn. Wir fragen re: secret entrance to warehouse club. He points to an almost person-sized break in a sheet metal gate. Across huge former parking lot in dead warehouse city lit only by single street lamp we pull a security door. Enter moist, red dungeon of a squat party dotted in hippies dancing with drugs. Despite aversion to fusion music, manage to move feet significantly to the sounds of computers, vocoder, kazoos, and plastic bottles. Dragged butt home just shy of daylight.

2. Sunday - The Berlin poetry release of Paula Varjack aka: my friend sara from London / New York / & Washington DC- featuring: others. Others consist of: Germany's first "Mid-western mid-eastern blue grass band," a drunk girl who was supposed to MC but showed up halfway through the event to slur some words into a microphone, a British comedian whose jokes consisted mainly of using the words "cunt" and "crisps" in succession, and a band of Romanian minstrels dressed in druidic-looking robes. This madness (survived by no less than 2 gin and tonics) was followed by a trip to nearby 8 mm where the very bad man of a DJ encouraged sara's unruly throng to dance on chairs, have a make-out huddle, and sing along to "Roxanne." There was much making out between the girls and f*ing in the bathrooms, especially after my group converged with a gaggle of blond Danish 20-somethings who were impressed with our belligerence. I alone abstained and was subsequently told by the bartender that I didn't look like I was having a good time. 3 bottles of beer later I had made friends with everyone, but holding strong to my promise not to catch mono refrained from the all-girl tongue lashing. None-the-less, an Olympicly persistent Swedish girl insisted upon giving me her phone number and myspace "just in case I come to Stockholm for sexy orgy." Did not beat daylight on the long, cold bike ride home. And am still haunted by the memories.

Making Out In The Deep Freeze

2008-10-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend I made out in a deep freezer. Today, my throat is killing me.

Dr. Pong: The Ping Pong Bar

2008-10-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Later I'm going to a Ping Pong bar in prenzlauerberg. Everyone stands around a ping pong table with a paddle hitting it back and forth until only two people are left- they then have to run from one side of the table to the other hitting the ball until somebody gets out. Then everything starts over again. Whee!

Dear Maria am Ostbahnhof

2008-09-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

You suck. Every time I go to see a show, the cover is too much (12 euros is the least I've ever paid) and never announced beforehand. Your bartenders are rude and mix crappy overpriced drinks. Your second room is always lame, with the same lame DJs spinning the same lame industrial goth music regardless of the lineup in the main room. I could put up with all that if I could only get to enjoy the musicians I go to see. But no. Your sound system is badly arranged. You let too many people in most nights and so the main room gets crowded to all hell and no one can dance or see anything. You either have the headliner go on at 11 p.m. or 6 a.m. (whichever time you think will be more inconvenient). As a result, I paid my 12 euros last night to see Doppler Effekt and only got to see 5 minutes of them because you put them before every other musician in the line up, a time when most people haven't even left their houses to go out. What gives? I'm done with you. Go to hell.

The Auslanderbehorde Disapproves of My Nationality...

2008-08-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

But will give me a work permit anyway! That's right, I got my arbeitslaubnis (work permit) today so I can begin work just as soon as my boss contacts me and says she has a class for me. Yay! It was a pretty tame day at the auslanderbehorde (foreign resident's office)- a line around the block an hour and a half before the doors were even open and then, once the golden hour finally arrived, everyone rushed the door cutting in front of people ruthlessly to get to the head of the line. Guh. Something odd: there was a notice on the pole in front of the building that said that persons of certain nationalities would not be serviced today as there was a strike coinciding with 9/11. These nationalities included: Arabic, American, Afghanistan, Iraqi, Iranian, and Israeli among others. The notice said something about terrorism but was hard for me to translate as it was written in very formal Deutsch with lots of long, conjoined words. Luckily, the strike did not apply to me as I already had an appointment. Still, I think that is pretty lame. Many Americans do not approve of this war, and many of the other nationalities they listed probably don't either. I mean, why do you think we left our own country?

Fury in the Slaughterhouse: Lightning Fields: A Pirate Bar

2008-07-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

We've been busy the past couple days because my good friend Avri and his friend Cliff came to stay with us on Thursday. The main goal of their trip (in addition to seeing me/Berlin) was to go to a concert for a band that Cliff has been a huge fan of for many many years called Fury in the Slaughterhouse. The concert was on Friday and we rented a car and drove for hours in traffic and rain (or I should say Carlos drove for hours in traffic and rain) to Hannover. The concert itself was maybe not my biggest cup of tea. But I think Cliff at least had a good time as the band dedicated a song to him for coming all the way from America (and the drummer's wife later called him insane). Carlos and I had a pretty miserable time as we did not have backstage passes and spent much of the time after the concert dodging drunken Hannoverins and trying to figure out where the car was in the rain. We didn't get back until 5 and fell asleep upon arrival. After returning the car the next day, we realized we had paid over 200 euros for the whole experience, which is about 75 dollars each. This morning on the table there was a note written to Carlos from Avri stating his gratitude and suggesting that we had all gotten into more than we had bargained for.

On Saturday, Los and I went to the Sugimoto exhibit at the Neu National Gallery. Sugimoto was at the De Young Museum last year so a lot of the works on display we had already seen. But his newest segment, Lightning Fields, is simply amazing. Negatives of photos of lightning bolts were hung in front of a lit screen (much in the same way x-rays are observed by doctors). The result is that you can see all the "fibers" of the bolts, and the intricate root-like patterns mirrored in other bolts. It was pretty amazing. We took home a poster of his picture of the diorama at Madame Tussards of Henry the 8th. Sugimoto's website is here in case you want to take a look: http://www.sugimotohiroshi.com/ We also saw a temporary exhibit on Rupprecht Geiger who is now 100 years old and experimenting with bright neon colors that are almost too much for human perception. Take that young people.

Sunday we tried to find fun stuff in Berlin amuse our visitors with, but as it was raining not much could be found. We mostly ended up wandering trying to find the Jewish Museum but never did. We stopped at Yaam (a reggae club that was supposed to be having a festival) which was nearly vacant and infested with bees. Los went home. The rest of us went to a pirate bar and had drinks while waiting for a band featuring a violin, guitar, drumset, accordian, and a unicycle (or so we thought) to set up. While waiting, one of Berlin's colorful locals with a bit too much alcohol in 'em came over and started talking to us about the Police. He started off by singing "Sending out an SOS" (which was the song currently on the itunes shuffle lazily abandoned by the bartender). Then he crouched down in front of the table so he was eye level with us and told us how he had seen Sting play at the Ziegman Sea (?) in Overalls(!) And do you know what he was singing?" he asked us incredulously. "No, what?" "He was singing..." his voice escalated rapidly to the point where he was screaming, "about the RHINE!" The small, disinterested waitress came over and with a wristful series of hand gestures told the gentleman to leave. We decided at this point to leave and went to Burgermeister (a sub-metro hamburger joint where railings with padding = seats) for dinner where we overheard a festival band doing covers of "Jump, Jump" "Just Like A Pill" and other songs featured in "NOW" CDs. We went back to the Pirate Bar to see if the unicycle band was up an running. It was, but only in the usual way bar bands are. We left. Went home. Fell asleep.

Liquidrom

2008-07-16T09:15:00.000-07:00

I'm going here tomorrow because I neeeed it, damnit.

My 4th of July

2008-07-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

-Fireworks: none (naturally)
-Drinks consumed: 1 glass rose, 0,5 liters Hefeweisen
-Strangers hitting on my friend Sandra who insisted on sitting at our table and holding long awkward conversations with her: 05
-Languages spoken (by me): 04 (by others): 06
-Insults (re: Bush and / or the USA): 11
-Insults (re: my appearance / my gemischt gypsy heritage): 03
-Returned Home: EARLY - approx. 12:30
-Rain: constant, but unenthusiastic.

My Marriage to the Berlin Wall

2008-06-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

This is interesting. And weird. And interesting:
http://www.berlinermauer.se/BerlinWall/tragedy.htm
Full explanation here: http://www.algonet.se/~giljotin/explan.html

I've heard more than a few people say they preferred things when Berlin was divided, and have heard many say the opposite as well, but I've NEVER heard of anyone going so far as to declare the wall, both seriously and passionately, is their husband.

Fussball Madness

2008-06-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Turkey won the game. At least, I assume so from the fireworks, the frantic screaming, and the overwhelming chorus of honking horns. Luckily, I'm still alive.

Sportscrazy

2008-06-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

It is fussball season and the fans out on the street in front of my house have just gone crazy. Turkey won the game and now very car within a 5 mile radius is honking, people are screaming, and the sounds of fireworks ripping through the air like gun shots disturbs the storm moist summer night. Is this really the end of a fussball game or the start of a war?

May Day

2008-05-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Today is May Day. A day when young people fill the streets in celebration, angst, and comradery- throwing bottles and punching each other in the face. I just saw about 40 cops go by on motorcycles, in cars, and vans. We leave for Praha in a couple hours. It is rainy.

My Big American Shopping List

2008-04-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

Before I begin the list, let me note that the conversion rate from euro to dollar is pretty horrendous. It has been getting worse every day since I arrived, meaning that my rent goes up about $10 per month. The rate is now somewhere around 1 euro = $1.60. Hence, all the ridiculous shit I need to buy from home (I've included the price change in parenthesis so you can see what I mean).

Things To Buy (price in Berlin noted- to be continued)
ROOT BEER (non-existent)
Tortillas (5 euro =$7.50 for 5 flour tortillas in Berlin- corn tortillas non-existent)
Refried Beans (vegetarian / canned) (non-existent)
Bottles of Tylenol / Ibuprofen (9 euro = $12 for 18 caplets)
Sammy hair gel (non-existent)
Biore strips / face wash (non-existent)
New shoes: boots, sneaks (50 euro - 80 euro = $75 - $120)
Socks (4 euro per pair = $6.00)
American to European Adapter (Carlos needs it for his "gear")
Shower Rod (it's like $45 here! Dude!)

Things to Bring
Carlos's XLR Cables (Brandon has these)
My backpack
Tape measure
Carlos's rice cooker

Things I Need To Do
-Get a hair cut (30 euro here = $45 although the real issue isn't money but explaining to the hair dresser what I want. Carlos thinks this is silly and that I should just get "the Berlinette" cut:)

-Get a new copy of my Driver's License (mine is wrinkled and bent from stuffing it in my pocket all the time!)

Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch.

2008-04-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

So I started school this week. It is interesting... The VHS (Volkshochschule) is something like a community college where people come to learn everything from knitting to cooking to, in my case, intensive German.
Today we sang a song to the tune of "She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes..." which went:
"Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch...
Ich verstehe nicht was sie sagen
Bitte, sprechen sie mehr langsam
Ich bin Auslander und spreche nicht gut Deutsch."
Half of the class is Italian, and half are Turkish, and a small percentage are various other things (yes, there are three halves to my class). There is only one other American and native English speaker in the class, but all the Italian folk speak English quite well. They also seem to hate me. I think it is because I am borrowing Carlos's camo-print bag until I can afford to buy my own. Perhaps they think I'm some kind of war loving crazy?
That's not all. Yesterday the teacher asked me how many states were in the United States now (because it is plural - DEN USA) "56?" She asked. "More!" I said, making a joke about her overestimate. "No, no," she responded, "Iraq doesn't count."
Another faux pas was made earlier this morning when I suggested to one of the Italian students that they install a good ol' cafe / restaurant in the school, preferably one serving scrambled eggs. The joke was not responded to in kind. He said, "But you are in Europe now and we don't eat those things. If you want scrambled eggs then maybe you should go to London."
The Italian students are somewhat hard to relate to. For one, the Italian breakfast consists of cigarettes and black coffee. I think if I was from New York maybe I'd be able to fit in a little more. At least we both share a love of abstract art and electronic music. Oh yah, 30% of the class are electronic musicians. Apparently you can't call yourself an electronic musician in Deutsch because "musician" only applies to people who play classical instruments: piano, guitar, etc. Instead, you are supposed to refer to yourself as an "electronic music producer." Sure, sure.
I ran into one of my fellow classmates at an Indian restaurant today. Apparently he is a chef there. He gave Carlos and I 2 rounds of free highly alcoholic drinks, some extra naan, and changed the price of our normal dinner to a "kinder dinner" knocking off about 50%. I will buy him coffee tomorrow as a way of saying thanks.
Travel plans: 1. I'm going to Prague May 1 - 4. May 1st is a disaster in Kreuzberg, the somewhat more angsty / punky part of Berlin where I happen to live. It is a kind of "hate day" where people parade, riot, party, and generally EXPRESS their angst over whatever it is they are angsty about. Bottles are thrown. Cars are tipped. And so I intend to get the fuck out. I'll be visiting my friend Tom who I haven't seen in a bunch of years. He's super chill. It'll be good to see him.
2. I'll be in the states from May 11 - May 18th (or around then) as it turns out I have no school this week due to Pentecost. See you soon meinen freundin!

Happy Mice

2008-04-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

To follow up on the jail house f*ck bed, here is a mouse pad from Rahaus, which is more or less an Ikea alternative. Great for the home or office. Not so great for impressing the ladies.

Dirty German Bed Designers

2008-03-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

Was innocently looking for bed frames when I came across this (warning not safe for work!!!):

http://www.etage7.com/product_info.php/info/p95_JAILHOUSE-FUCK.html

Got My Visa!

2008-03-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

It was 7 AM (opening time) and the Ausländerbehörde (Visa Office) was crowded in all three waiting rooms. Turkish babies were crying. British expats were crying. And the machines that gently beep to let you know a new number is coming up kept breaking down. After only a couple hours of waiting, Carlos came out with a big smile on his face and a shiny new visa in his passport. Unable to resist the temptation to pry, I asked him what had gone on in there, if it had been violent, if they had made him give blood, urine, semen? He told me they didn't even ask him any questions, really, just handed the thing over. I, however, had to wait 6 hours only to be told by some German lady who didn't speak English that I needed some document of some kind and would have to come back in a few weeks after I'd obtained whatever it was. Not being the kind of person to give up my time that easily, I decided to take a new number, wait another hour, and try my luck talking to someone else. After tossing around some documents regarding my school enrollment, funds, and health insurance, I was given a visa for one year. I'm very happy to be done with this. I wouldn't wish the Ausländerbehörde upon even my worst enemies.

I Was Drugged

2008-03-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Although this is very personal, I feel like sharing this in hopes it may cause people I know to be more careful at parties, bars, and clubs so that this sort of thing doesn't happen to you. Last night a few friends of mine went out to a club called Weekend. While at the club, my friend and I were slipped something in our drink, possibly by the bartender (the only drink I remember us both having were shots of whiskey that we couldn't pay for because my friend had left her wallet at home- the bartenders said "it's okay, as long as you have a drink with us"). My friend had already had a good amount to drink so it acted on her very fast. She started acting strangely- becoming hyper talkative (esp. to strangers), flirty, and falling down. I too, fell down a lot and was more hyper than usual, but in the end was able to overcome most of the effects of the drug due to the concern for my friend and not having had as much to drink. At one point she passed out and wouldn't open her eyes. We had to force water down her throat, get her heart rate up, and call an ambulance. We waited in the emergency room all night and most of the morning. At around noon she woke up and was able to walk home with us. She doesn't remember much of what happened, but we know that she was not raped as we were very attentive to her once we realized something was up. The drug I believe we were slipped is called Rohypnol. It is a legal sleep aid here in Europe. It is illegal in the states, but that does not stop people from bringing it in illegaly. This drug can cause memory loss, loss of muscle control, and possibly death. I'm very glad that we both survived this experience relatively unharmed and that we had friends there with us to take care of us. Needless to say, I will not be drinking nor clubbing for some time, and the next time I do I will act a good deal smarter.

New Apartment

2008-03-13T09:37:00.001-07:00

We have a new apartment. But, we have no kitchen, no fridge, no oven, no bed frame, no dresser, no nothin' really. Oh wait, we did buy a couch and a sink that will require some assembly. Tomorrow we will have a fridge and a washing machine. And the day after that, we will have the world.

SO36 Bilder

2008-03-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Spaceman

Brick walls

Mission Accomplished

2008-03-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

1. Went to an interview for a job as a Business English Trainer (they gave me some tips on where to go for my intensive course and told me to come back in 4 months when I speak German)
2. Signed the lease for the new apartment (the rental agency gave us a free bottle of wine as a welcome gift! Can you imagine a landlord in the bay area doing something like that?)
3. Decided on a health insurance plan (which is actually pretty cheap if paid in USD as the conversion rate is not up to date- awesome)
4. Went grocery shopping at the Turkish Market- 1 euro each for bay leaves, chili, and other necessary spices. Not to mention: I love the Italian pasta guy. $4.50 for a ton of handmade pasta with truffle filling? Also: decided to get a pint of the freshly made hummus. That stuff goes fast.
5. Reserved a spot for both Carlos and I in the VHS intensive course. I think this will do just fine as for getting us our student visa. The instructor said so herself, and a few others have mentioned it would be okay.

Apartment Found!

2008-03-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

To add more confusing ups n downs to this week (see last post) we got a call from the rental agency that we got the apartment we wanted near Hermannplatz. So this is good because now we have a place to live, but a bit confusing because we'll have to find people to help us move things as Carlos is in no shape to do things and I am a tiny (but fierce!) woman. The apartment is VERY big and includes 3 large rooms so we'll have a room for Carlos to use as a music studio once he returns to full Carlos strength. It has tall ceilings, balcony street-facing windows, lots of light, and a whirlpool bathtub. The big drawback to the place (and the reason we weren’t 100% on applying) is that the kitchen room is a bit dirty, and there are no appliances (none) or counters in the kitchen. We'll have to find our own stove, refrigerator, countertops, washer/dryer, and sink in addition to the usual items one expects to have at home: bed, couch, dresser, tables, appliances, etc. Fun fun! The rent is pretty cheap by Bay Area standards- around $1200. I can't imagine what an apartment like this would cost us back home. But then, the one big thing Berlin has going for it is how cheap housing is. In fact Miguel says we're the first couple he's met who pay MORE in Berlin than they did in the Bay Area. But having lived for 1 year in a 1-room studio for $900, I think we're due for a nice place with lots of room. Tomorrow we sign the lease to move in on the 10th. Woo hoo!

A Trip To Tropical Islands & The Emergency Room

2008-03-02T09:42:00.000-08:00

Carlos had an accident at Tropical Islands yesterday (this water fun park outside of Berlin) on one of the water slides. The slide malfunctioned and he was stranded on the slide for 10 seconds when two guys came down behind him, hitting him in the back. They took him to the emergency room to see if he had any broken bones or anything, but luckily it turned out to be damage to muscle tissue, not bone. The whole ordeal was awful- the ambulance, seeing him in a stretcher, not being able to make out what the medics or park personnel were saying... And the whole process was delayed at several points because they kept shoving paperwork in our faces- paperwork we couldn't read but had to sign before they would help him. This was supposed to be our chance to relax after all this craziness with visas and house hunting. Instead it turned out to be a nightmare. I'm so glad he's okay. He could have been seriously injured, and I'm very lucky (we're both lucky) that he's alright. Today we're trying to take it easy and relax, but it's not easy. I can't believe that little kids are going on these slides where there are no lifeguards present and there are no medical emergency personnel on site. I also can't believe that the park isn't going to cover any of it (which is what the manager said to us point blank before they loaded Carlos into the ambulance). Hopefully Carlos's insurance will cover most of it and the bills won't add even more to the stressful situation. I suppose these things happen to us when our number is up. I know many of you have had even worse things to deal with this year. I can't imagine what I would be like right now if it had been anything worse... I'm on edge enough right now as it is, but so so happy it isn't worse.

Missing You

2008-02-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a month and it's started to sink in that I'm not going home. I've been thinking about some of the people I miss already. You know who you are. We found an apartment but the deposit / first month's rent is going to make quite a dent in my savings. It's really big, though, and there's a 3rd room so Carlitos can have his music studio. I found out that the class I was planning to take at the VHS won't cut it for a student visa. They say it's not enough hours even though it's the same number of hours as any other language school. I'm confused. I think they're just saying that if I'm going to stay here I need to be putting enough money into the German economy. I'm going to start health insurance next month. I decided to go with general care and long-term care, but am not sure about dental. I need dental work done. I have 3 fillings left to be filled. Miguel said if I need some extra cash and can't find anything else he'd consider offering me some p/t work for Tigerbeat6. That sounds awesome, and like something I could do. Every day I wake up to a white and gray sky barely shedding light through the window. There are spiraling naked ivy branches infectiously spread across the wall blocking my view. I wonder if anyone ever trims them and if they'll grow green in the spring. I look at the clock to see it's 2 pm, and that I've slept half the day off. I take a bath and read Goethe and wonder about the ways I'm related to young Werther, the lost romantic, the aimless artist, the child-like poet. I drink coffee with Milka chocolate in it for breakfast because I don't want to spend $4.50 on a half-carton of eggs that won't taste good without salt anyway. I start to wonder how my friends in America are spending their morning. And then I realize they're all asleep.

Journey To The Center of the Kit Kat Club

2008-02-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Carlos and I had been joking for a long time about going to the Kit Kat Club- home of Berlin's most well-known, long-loved S&M /kink / fetishy-type szene. Although Carlos and I are certainly not leading each other around the house via dog collar or strapping each other to that awful 1990s couch in our boarding house, the Kit Kat Club has such tremendous noteriety that I figured, as new neighbors, going there was a necessary part of our initiation as Berliners.

(Above: Dresscode for the Kit Kat Club)
Firstly, let me say that I have never been to the Kit Kat's sister club in San Francisco- The Power Exchange, but I imagine the Kit Kat Club is a lot like it in certain ways. There were lots of naked people, lots of half-naked people, a few trannys, some people having sex upstairs, girls in their underwear, vinyl, leather, nurse costumes, cop costumes, and a plethora of odd decorations such as gynecology chairs and metal toilets strewn throughout the black, humid interior. The walls were painted in elaborate blacklight sensitive murals with men, women, and everything in between partaking in a myriad of activities in the "done while naked" category. After I got over the initial shock of seeing nude, untethered penis flopping this way and that I realized that most of the clientele were actually pretty respectful of each other's space. Of course there were two things that helped with this. A) Most of the men there were gay men, and B) there were a great deal of couples dotting the dance floor. I never once had anyone try to grab me, or even hit on me, although I can't say the same of Carlos who is like a bunny at the dog tracks to clean cut gay men and trashy goth girls. Another thing- the music was quite good, resident DJs DramaNui (sassy redhead) and Clark Kent (butch gay extraordinaire) spinning a mix of electro, mashup, and techno that wasn't too cheesy or too eclectic, but frightfully danceable. I was a little disappointed to find only two dance floors as the Kit Kat Club recently took over the notorious Sage Club (which used to have 4 floors of banging techno with a pool in the middle from what I hear) but this is the nature of the unstoppable metamorphosis that is the Berlin club scene. We arrived at 2 and left sometime around 5, needing to escape the unbearable humidity, not to mention rest our feet and morals. I can't say I'm planning on becoming a regular, but could certainly see myself wandering in here on one of those nights that needs more craziness or leather men.

Electroclas & Bikes @ MauerPark

2008-02-11T09:50:00.000-08:00

Our first week has been full of excitement, adventure and bicycles. More specifically, yesterday we went to the flea market with Miguel aka: Kid606 and bought bikes. It was the first time we had really been out in a few days due to partying as hard as we do during the weekdays (par example: Friday we saw Mochipet and stayed out until 8 in the morning at a bar called Molotov Cocktail which serves actual flaming bottles of sweet sweet fury!). It was nice to be awake before 3 for a change, and get to do something productive. The flea market gave me chills as it reminded me so much of the Ashby fleamarket in Berkeley from the hipsters digging through tables of retro clothing to the herbal mineral supplements in hand-labeled brown glass jars. As our main purpose was to get bikes, I decided to stick to that this time around, although I did develop a fancy for many of the hand-made animals, t-shirts and dolls which I may have to go back for. Carlos lucked out and got a really nice old-fashioned blue town bike. I got what the man who sold it to me said was a kid's bike, but as Miguel claims I'm "the size of a kid anyway" so I guess it's okay >^_^< We rode the bikes home, avoiding the touristy mess that is Alexanderplatz, and got lach crepes in Mitte for lunch. One odd thing I noticed about my bike on the ride home is that the splash guard has a screw loose and so when I go fast it rattles and sounds like shooting bullets. Even stranger, when I put the brakes on the tires make a whizzing sound like a bomb dropping. This has led me to the conclusion that my bike is apparently possessed by World War One. Be this as it may, it'll be so nice to have a(n inexpensive) way to get around town (apparently u-bahn monthly passes cost 70 euro - about 100 bucks!) Now I just need to get some turtlenecks and big goofy hats to keep the wind from destroying my face while riding my bike in winter.
0.o Speaking of housing, today we're going to look at a sublet right down the street from us. I hope it works out! We have to give notice on the 15th if we're planning to move out, and hopefully we are. It's not that I don't like the boarding house but I'd like to find a permanent place so I can start settling in.

We have a new apartment & our manager is dead

2008-02-05T09:53:00.000-08:00

It's true. We arrived on Friday only to find that the reason our latest emails hadn't been answered by the manager is that he died 5 days ago. His wife and the hausmeister Mr. Kropp have been taking care of things, but haven't been able to really get things up to speed just yet. In light of the circumstances, we were moved into a new, larger apartment (twice as large, to be precise) which has a bathtub, balcony, and full kitchen with dishwasher. Unfortunately, the wireless issue has become an issue as only Carlos can get internet for any extended period of time in the apartment. The hausmeister has let me use his office (which is a small chilly room located in another building across the courtyard) for internet until he can get the gentleman who handles these sorts of things to, erm, handle it- although Herr Kropp recently informed me that this gentleman is currently busy with installing a new kitchen and therefor it might be sometime before we can get this whole thing straightened out. So far we've taken a few trips out into the city- once or twice out to dinner, and a long walk to Club Maria- yet another old-warehouse-turned-club where we saw Mouse on Mars & Vitalic. Needless to say, it was a pretty damn amazing thing. I ran into Kid606 (who I've been calling "unkie miguel" on account of the fact that he's been very accomodating of all of our silly touristy-type questions- despite the fact that he is a super star DJ). We're going to get cheapo bikes at the flea market on Sunday even though it is very cold, and I may freeze to death riding it back home. Carlos has been freaking out about visas pretty regularly. I had to buy him dinner at Schwartes Cafe a couple nights ago to get him to chill out. He seems to be doing better, having resigned himself to signing up for a language course in order to get the student visa. I think it's a much better plan that living under the raydar, as the german's seem to have some pretty serious fucking raydar. We're going to get registered on Thursday (the law requires that you register within 7 days with the foreign authorities office). This won't give us a visa or anything- that will all come later once we have a more permanent place to live and have paid for school. School, by the way, doesn't start until April. I think with 25 channels of public access documentary style work programming on the tele I'm going to be pretty bored for the next couple months, and unfortunately it's too damn cold to be frolicking around just for the hell of it.

Tonight Packing, Tomorrow Berlin

2008-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight is our last night in this apartment. We're leaving at 6 in the morning to go to the airport. Checking in may be a problem as we have one-way tickets, but I've gathered quite a thick packet of documentation to argue with in case we need it. Another problem may be the weight of my suitcase. I have no idea how much it weighs. That's how heavy it is. I'm only bringing one checked luggage though, so hopefully they won't give me much trouble and if it's a female representative, I can just tell her it's the shoes and she'll understand. Carlos is still packing. The apartment is messy despite all efforts to clean it. I feel exhausted from carrying things to and from the garbage, leaving things out in the ally, and generally running around tearing my hair out. Tonight there were so many things we had to get rid of that I put them all on Craigslist under the free section. For those who aren't familiar with the crazy people on craigslist, allow me to enlighten you. Craigslist is full of jobless, worthless, extremely horny people, several of whom's only purpose in life is to troll the free section looking for junk. Once they find it, they wait outside your door, salivating at the mouth, screaming at you "Where's that toaster you said you had? Where's the fucking toaster??? I drove all the way from El Cerito!" This is why we don't put a "reply to" address, and heaven help you if you should leave your phone number. Yikes. We were planning to go out to Ryoko's tonight, our favorite sushi restaurant in the San Francisco. I've heard Berlin has one sushi restaurant as well, and that it's okay. And for dessert we have a bottle of port that we got in Napa quite some time ago. But this is provided we can take care of everything that needs taking care of. Carlos swears he will haul the mattress downstairs at 6 in the morning. We shall see. All n' all, I'm part scared, part exhausted, and part curious (that's 3 parts!) about how smoothly this all will go. The flight itself is a monster- 1. San Francisco to Seattle where we have a 6 hour layover 2. Seattle to Copenhagen (Denmark for those who are terrible at geography) where we have only 55 minutes to get through EU customs AND catch our next flight from 3. Copenhagen to Berlin Germany upon where we will take a rather expensive cab ride to our boarding house in Kreuzberg, shower, and collapse exhausted in our new land. Till we meet again, USA!

We're Going to Marrakesh

2008-01-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

Marrakech or Marrakesh (مراكش Marrakesh), known as the "Red City" or "Al Hamra," is a city with a population of 1,036,500 (as of 2006) in southwestern Morocco, near the foothills of the Atlas Mountains. Marrakesh is also known as "The City of Gold." ... And we are "going there" on the 27th of March, or at least so it will look to anyone wanting to see our travel itinerary. Why? Because Carlos and I made the mistake of getting one-way tickets into Germany. Silly us, we wanted to save a few hundreds of dollars, but have since learned that it is possible to get deported if you do not have a return ticket when traveling to the EU. Although it is unlikely that they will even ask us to see a return ticket, if they do we can now at least say that we're exiting the EU. The tickets were only 25 euro (including taxes!) on Ryanair.com- they had other tickets that were actually 0.01 Euro (no shit) but these were for single passengers only, and we thought it might look suspicious if we took seperate flights. This is the weirdest solution to an honest problem I've ever come up with. It still might not work, but it's more likely to work than having our tickets leave us in Germany. Am I going nuts?

2 weeks

2008-01-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

I am leaving in 14 days. Packing is almost done already, despite having had a sprained ankle for the past week. I wish I hadn't packed up my hair dryer already and definitely should have eaten lunch today. The people on Toytown tell me there is no peanut butter, root beer, or nachos in Germany. They suggest I try to blend in and develop a taste for curry wurst. Through the glory of the internet, I've met an Aussie who is moving to Berlin in March. Maybe we will be friends.